So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
