I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
