No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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