So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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