I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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