Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
