my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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