3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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