Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
