me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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