If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
