I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
