thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just pee around me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just had sex on a roof
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
