she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
