good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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