she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize