Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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