the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
