We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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