just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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