look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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