i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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