He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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