I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
