Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
