Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize