Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
