I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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