True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have fence marks all over my body
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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