he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
