I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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