So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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