What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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