Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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