Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize