so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
