im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
