im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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