i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
