I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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