It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
