No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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