Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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