What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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