im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
