so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
