i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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