Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
