My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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