...so i touched it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
