paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I died a long time ago.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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