I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
