Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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