I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
