i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
