When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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