My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
