i can't believe i had my finger in that
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
