im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
