I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
