pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
