she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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