It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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