Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
